A letter to my 15-year-old self

Dear Petunia,

It’s been a little over 15 years since you celebrated your 15^th birthday.

You may not remember much of your teen years as you made a vow to block most of that out. You always felt left behind and never wanted to be part of anything.  You had serious issues with your body and as result had a very low self-esteem.  You covered well your low self-esteem with your loud squeaky voice, always seeking attention.  You were most of the time misunderstood and a laughing stock of your peers.  You never talked about your emotions to anyone.  You never cried at  least not in public.  You never complained.  You will not even tell anyone if you were sick.

You had inquisitive mind and always asking questions.  You always said the wrong things at wrong time.  You never wanted to upset anyone but you were always in trouble with the ‘law’.

You got easily lost in a good story book. Reading for long hours made you the happiest.  You read everything you could get your hands on.

At age 15, your turning point will certainly be that day you decided to start loving yourself.  On the same day you decided it did not matter who thinks what about yourself.  You decided to take one day at the time to do things only you wish to do.

In about a week’s time you will be celebrating your 31^st birthday – it’s amazing to see how you have always held your head high.  You made it through the last three decades by God’s grace.  You have completely made peace with who you are.  You embrace your body with ‘bones’ and all.  You know who you are and seek approval from no one.  You live your life for what matters to God and only God. You love fearlessly and you give without reservations.

: : For my 31^st birthday, I’ll drive to my mom’s house. The two of us will go out for coffee. I want my mom to know she is the best. You see, she was only a teenager herself and had to raise me all by herself. Throughout my teenager years I used to blame her (a lot) part of me was angry with her – [[I became rebellious towards her]]. And, now 15 years later, I want my mom to know I’ll always be grateful that she gave me the chance to live.  I am who I am today because of who she is – she is a strong woman -my true hero and I love her with all my heart.

I was a confused and angry fifteen year old. As I celebrate yet another milestone, I thank God for my life. I thank God for His Grace, Mercy and Amazing love.

ps!  I was born in 1981 24 August in Kimberly State Hospital to a 15 year old girl [she must have been scared but to this day, she let me know every day that I mean the world to her]

With love from
Petunia